Toxic Positivity

Have you ever heard anyone say these phrases?

• Don't be so negative!
• It will all be fine.
• Look at the bright side.
  
• Don't worry about it.

 How about these?

• Think only happy thoughts.
• Good vibes only.
• Happiness is a choice.
  
• Everything happens for a reason.
  
• There are plenty of people who have it worse.

These phrases are usually  spoken with the intention of being kind. 

But seriously, do they ever make you feel differently?

There really is a thing known as "toxic positivity." It's great to have a positive attitude, and to try to be happy. But some people go overboard. When that happens, it can be maddening!

Being positive all the time encourages one to suppress negative feelings, which leads to all sorts of physical and emotional issues such as mental illness, heart disease, insomnia, digestive problems and autoimmune disease.

We have life experiences that include good feelings and bad feelings. I confess, there have been times in my life where I have buried my negative feelings. It wasn't the best choice, but honestly, it was the only choice I had at the time. (Like when I suddenly became a single parent.) 

I wouldn't recommend it.

Negative feelings are real. They should be validated. People should be allowed to grieve. People need empathy and compassion. People need someone who cares.

The biggest problem with toxic positivity is that it brings shame. It's isolating and demoralizing. And more often than not, it makes a person feel even worse about real emotions they are feeling.

I've watched a few videos on Youtube that explain it far better than I can!

I hope these were helpful!

Here are some ideas on how to avoid toxic positivity:

 

Never put a person down for having feelings!

Sometimes there really isn't a bright side, and people are hurting! Don't brush them off when they need you!

 

 

Seriously, really bad things happen. Happiness isn't always a choice.

I think this is the one that annoys me the most. How could a person really compare your feelings to someone else? We are all different and unique, and we all need empathy and compassion more than comparisons.

Ideas for handling when someone gives toxic positivity instead of empathy and compassion.

 

It's ok to let it out. There are socially acceptable ways to let it out. Please don't hold it in.

 

Don't be the "giver" of toxic positivity!

 

It's ok to hurt. It's ok to grieve. It's all ok. In fact, it's human, and it's healthy. (You might not want to grieve 24/7, but it's important to let it out.)

 

Let your friends and work companions see good examples of dealing with feelings. Teach through example.

 

It's not always possible to avoid those "fair weather friends" but we can try to spend most of our time with people who can show compassion and caring.

 

I truly believe it's possible to be positive much of the time. But don't let it become toxic, and don't let it bury valid feelings.

 

And try to remember, the people who are doing this mean well.

They're Not "Falling Behind..."

They're not "falling behind." 

They're surviving a pandemic!

 

I saw this phrase posted on Twitter the other day, and it struck a nerve.

Well, technically, yes, they are falling behind academically from where they should be at this point in their lives. And I know that frustrates teachers, parents, and administrators. 

The pandemic has been very difficult on all of us, but the children have had their lives uprooted. Yet, many of the children don't even understand why!

They can't see their friends. They can't see their teachers. They can't have conversations. They have to sit in front of a screen, and do assignments with little or no interaction. Their parents are frustrated if they need attention or help, as they are trying to do their own work. Or worse, their parents aren't there.

Even those who are lucky enough to be in school aren't having the expected school experience. They can't sit next to each other. They can't work in small groups. They can't share materials. They have to wear masks all the time.

It is a rare child who has the self motivation to pay attention during online learning, do assignments independently, and pass them in on time. After all they're kids!

 
These poor kids!

 

Zoom fatigue is real. Depression is real. Right now, these children are struggling with far more important things than schoolwork. Yes, I'm a teacher, I really did say that, but seriously, there really are things more important than schoolwork. Their mental health, for example!

With new vaccines being released, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's not forever!

Help them to understand this... it's not easy for little ones!

 
But I hope to think of this as a time where they are growing in other areas.

It's a good time to focus on their whole well-being, not just academics.

How can we do that? Simple! Talk to them, learn what interests them, let them explore those things.

Right now, they're really needing to socialize, yet it's not easy with social distancing. Look for ways to get them talking to each other in safe ways... break out Zoom groups, socially distanced chats, and I'm sure there are other ways if we can be creative!

Here are a few other ideas to take the pressure off the academics and let children explore and learn other, important life skills:

Cooking and baking - besides the following directions and math skills, children are learning to be self-sufficient!

Take walks - As long as they're socially distanced, walking is not only good exercise, but it's a great way to explore the world.

Spend time outside - besides walking, there are plenty of outdoor places to visit and outdoor things to do that are safe and will get them breathing fresh air and getting excited about things going on around them! Children can learn about gardening, shadows, rainbows, qualities of air, properties of water, local animals, and plenty more!

Play board games - There are so many things children learn from playing board games! Just make sure you don't always let them win. Losing gracefully is an important skill!

And the most important thing we can do: Read to them! - I can't emphasize this enough. Read daily. Talk about the books. Let them choose the books. Choose books that will get them talking. Make it the best part of the day! (It's always my favorite time of the day!)

I've always been a believer that we are happier when we have something to look forward to. Right now, that's more important than ever! They might need your help with this, but I'm sure you can help the children find something positive in their future! 

You know, I truly believe the academics will level off. They won't be behind forever!

 Here are a few links to similar blog posts: 

 

What are your ideas for helping the children grow in ways other than academically during the pandemic?

Learning About the USA

There is a lot going around in politics that is far too brutal for small children. Yet, their little eyes and ears are open, and they're noticing what is going on around them. 

I think this is a good time for the children to learn about the USA.

I prefer to use this interest to teach the children more "safe," "non-biased" information about their country. As teachers, we have an obligation to teach them to think for themselves, and certainly not to tell them how to think! 

I have several Amazon affiliate links below that will bring a few pennies to me, at absolutely no cost to you. These are some examples of teaching children about the United States without teaching them to have an opinion.

How about a book of maps?

Beginner's United States Atlas 

(National Geographic Kids)

How about a book of USA places?

USA Destinations That Spark Our Fascinations 

by Gene Lipen

 

 Here's a fun collection of true tales from American History!

The American Story 

by Jennifer Armstrong

Here are some great biographies about American women!

50 Fearless Women Who Made American History 

by Jenifer Bazzit

Here is a book that will empower little ones!

No Voice Too Small 

edited by Lindsey H. Metcalf, Kelia V. Dawson, and Jeannette Bradley

 

I'm sure you know plenty more children's books to educate children about the United States of America! (Leave a comment below with your favorites!)

Here are a few resources that can be used throughout the year, whether or not there is a patriotic holiday on the horizon!

This is my newest Boom Learning set: the children think about each USA fact, and decide if it is true or false. 

 Fun Facts About the USA 

These Reading Comprehension for Active Learners sets have always been a big hit for my learners! This one tells about the 5 branches of the US military.  

Freedom Isn't Free

Here's another Boom Learning set comparing two of the countries in North America!  Canada, USA, or Both?

This resource is a favorite! It's perfect for helping the children to recognize and accept the differences between the people in our country!

Just or Unjust? Fair or Unfair?

These mapping task cards help children learn their way around the USA map! 

Mapping Task Cards USA Mapping Sets One and Two

This set combines several skills, and can be used for Presidents Day, Election Day, or any day you're learning about the USA! Mapping, Comparing, Syllables, and Opinion Writing with a President Theme

Do your students struggle to remember which patriotic holiday is which? 

Which Patriotic Holiday? A Sorting Game

 All the above items are contained in this bundle, plus several others, all at a huge discount!  

 Learning About the USA Bundle

Plus, these additional resources are also included!

 Patriotic Brain Breaks

President Writing Prompts

President's Day  Mini-Books

Social Studies Review

America Map

USA Paper

How do you help younger children learn about the USA?

Why Can't Children Pay Attention During Online Learning?

I've heard many complaints about young children who aren't able to stay attentive during online classes.

Are you finding this to be the case?

 

Of course you are! Why? Because children were never meant to spend hours paying attention to a screen!

Yes, I know what you're thinking: but my kid can pay attention to a screen for hours when it's a video game!

Well, yes, there are hours of planning, creating, coding, and designing going into the constant stimulation of a video game. That's not realistic in an online classroom setting.

Plus, we know that's not in their best interest. (See this blog post: Avoiding TOO MUCH screen time!)

But paying attention to a teacher all day while sitting at the computer? Wow, that's a totally different story!

Here are a few reasons why it's hard for them:

 

 

Emotional Needs

Most teachers are familiar with the expression, "Maslow Before Blooms!" Maslow is known for his Hierachy of Needs. Besides those very basic needs of food, warmth, and rest, are the emotional needs of security and safety. Along with those are a need to feel important, included, and respected.

As much as teachers and parents are trying, with our crazy world these days, these needs are not always being met. Social distancing makes it all so much tougher!

 

Limited Attention Spans!

Research tells us that a child's attention span is roughly the child's age, plus or minus 5 minutes. That means the maximum attention span for a Kindergartener is ten minutes, tops! This maxes out at 20 minutes for teenagers and beyond. Yes, I'm sure your mind starts to drift after about 20 minutes, doesn't it?

 Distractions!

Sitting at a computer and paying attention to a lesson is even harder when there are a plethora of distractions about, including: a friend in the same Zoom, a sibling getting attention in the same room, the TV in the background, a pet, knowing the toys are right nearby, and the child's own thought process!

In school, a teacher simply could walk past a student's desk to bring them back into focus, but that can't happen online!

 

 

What can we do about it?

Yes, learning online is a whole lot harder than learning in class, but all is not lost. I certainly don't have all the answers, but here are some ideas:

 

 Develop Relationships

It's tougher to get to know children online than it is in class, but it's possible! I find morning meetings are a great way to get to know your students and build community. Just be careful: when sharing, don't make the little ones wait too long for their own turn. Remember those attention spans! (Don't forget to review rules of listening, including looking at the speaker and sitting still. Plus, review the rules of speaking, including speaking clearly and keeping it short!)

 

Some ideas for building relationships: Team Building, Ice Breakers, and Get to Know You Activities

 

 Respect Their Developmental Needs

 

Children need to move! Please don't expect them to sit still for long periods. There are plenty of brain breaks that can be done online. (Go Noodle, for one!) Plus, there are plenty of learning games that can be done online or in a socially distant classroom.

 

Incorporate the Arts!

If you've ever read my blog before, you'll know that I'm a huge supporter of the arts, and try to include these in my teaching in every way possible. (Yes, I have a master's degree in Creative Arts in Learning!) It's a great idea to include drawing or creating in many lessons, as these internalize learning, but don't forget the other arts! Art is considered any expression of emotion, and people express their emotions in different ways. 

 

All of these are considered arts: 

Examples of the Arts

This is just a partial list of my personal definition of the arts. I think you'll agree, both parenting and teaching are arts, aren't they? Seriously, any way that people have to express themselves creatively counts!  I'm sure you have things you are passionate about that you could add to this list!

 

Some related posts: 

• Dramatics in the Classroom
• Seven Strategies to Help Children Remember Spelling Words 
• Ten Tips to Help Learning Stick 
• Ten Key Points About the Brain 
• Twelve Strategies to Get from Working Memory to Long Term Memory 
• How Can I Keep My Active Students Learning? 
• Ten Classroom Management Tips With the Brain in Mind
  

Please remember!

This is a very challenging time in our world. I'm not sure all administrators would agree with me, but academics are not our priority right now. Our children are experiencing several levels of trauma. We need to be there for them. Academics will come later. Yes, I promise you, they'll all catch up!

 

 

Let's Start Rowing in the Same Direction

I don't know what your teaching situation is right now, but I know a whole lot of people are struggling to find the best thing for the children's education. A teacher in Long Island, NY was quoted by saying this: 

If you want to read more of that quote, see HERE: 

I saw this shared on Twitter from @TeacherGoals

I guess,  no matter how much experience you have in the classroom, no matter how hard you work, no matter how many tricks you have up your sleeves, this year is going to be quite a challenge! 

Here are a few thoughts I have about the  upcoming school year: 

 

It's not going to be perfect for anyone!

I know, after such a difficult spring semester, the kids need to go back to school. Online learning is difficult for kids. "Zoom fatigue" sets in. It's hard for them to pay attention. Parents need to go back to work. Children need socialization. 

Yes, these are all true, but the "back to school" we are seeing with Social Distance restrictions is a far cry from what school has been. Teachers won't be able to teach one on one or small groups. Children won't be able to work with partners or small groups. Children won't be able to get out of their seats at all.

Teaching remotely has been VERY challenging for teachers. I've heard it compared to "flying the jet while building the jet." That sounds pretty accurate to me!

Yet, remember the #1 rule of life that I hear over and over: Safety First! Yes, there is a very contagious disease out there. Yes, children are known carriers. Yes, many people are at risk because of underlying medical conditions. Yes, many teachers are afraid to go back to school because they're afraid of getting very sick and/ or dying.

 

They WILL fall behind... in some ways. 

Between last spring, when teachers were suddenly expected to "reinvent the wheel" in a weekend, and this fall, with lots of practice and professional development training, lot of improvements have been made to the world of remote teaching. Between remote learning, in class learning, or even a combination of the two, education won't be the same as it was in its "pre-covid" state.

Students have lost some momentum in their academic development. And yes, no matter what we do, more slowing of development will happen. It can't be helped.

 

We can help them make gains in other ways. 

Teachers will try to keep the students moving forward academically. You can count on that. That's the nature of teachers. 

But we also need to keep them moving forward in other ways. Whether they are in school or working remotely, there will be gaps. They won't be getting the social development that students normally get in school, talking to their peers every day. Creative teachers can use a variety of ways to get children to talk about their social needs, their feelings, and their fears. I hope morning meetings are a part of everyone's day, as this is the place for team building and building social relationships. 

And take the time to work on some of these life skills.

 

As you know most of these skills can be developed through Morning Meeting.In class or through remote learning.

 A positive attitude is essential!

 No matter how tough it gets, no matter how challenging it is to keep up with all the technology, no matter how negative people are around us, no matter how scared we are, that positive attitude will get us through. Hold your head high, and give it your all for the kids. After all, it's all about them!

 

 It WILL Get better.

Yes, it's going to be tough, but it's not forever. I don't know when, but we'll have classrooms full of children, and they'll be able to talk and laugh and get out of their seats. They'll go to lunch, and Phys. Ed. and Music class. It will be OK!