Toxic Positivity

Have you ever heard anyone say these phrases?

• Don't be so negative!
• It will all be fine.
• Look at the bright side.
  
• Don't worry about it.

 How about these?

• Think only happy thoughts.
• Good vibes only.
• Happiness is a choice.
  
• Everything happens for a reason.
  
• There are plenty of people who have it worse.

These phrases are usually  spoken with the intention of being kind. 

But seriously, do they ever make you feel differently?

There really is a thing known as "toxic positivity." It's great to have a positive attitude, and to try to be happy. But some people go overboard. When that happens, it can be maddening!

Being positive all the time encourages one to suppress negative feelings, which leads to all sorts of physical and emotional issues such as mental illness, heart disease, insomnia, digestive problems and autoimmune disease.

We have life experiences that include good feelings and bad feelings. I confess, there have been times in my life where I have buried my negative feelings. It wasn't the best choice, but honestly, it was the only choice I had at the time. (Like when I suddenly became a single parent.) 

I wouldn't recommend it.

Negative feelings are real. They should be validated. People should be allowed to grieve. People need empathy and compassion. People need someone who cares.

The biggest problem with toxic positivity is that it brings shame. It's isolating and demoralizing. And more often than not, it makes a person feel even worse about real emotions they are feeling.

I've watched a few videos on Youtube that explain it far better than I can!

I hope these were helpful!

Here are some ideas on how to avoid toxic positivity:

 

Never put a person down for having feelings!

Sometimes there really isn't a bright side, and people are hurting! Don't brush them off when they need you!

 

 

Seriously, really bad things happen. Happiness isn't always a choice.

I think this is the one that annoys me the most. How could a person really compare your feelings to someone else? We are all different and unique, and we all need empathy and compassion more than comparisons.

Ideas for handling when someone gives toxic positivity instead of empathy and compassion.

 

It's ok to let it out. There are socially acceptable ways to let it out. Please don't hold it in.

 

Don't be the "giver" of toxic positivity!

 

It's ok to hurt. It's ok to grieve. It's all ok. In fact, it's human, and it's healthy. (You might not want to grieve 24/7, but it's important to let it out.)

 

Let your friends and work companions see good examples of dealing with feelings. Teach through example.

 

It's not always possible to avoid those "fair weather friends" but we can try to spend most of our time with people who can show compassion and caring.

 

I truly believe it's possible to be positive much of the time. But don't let it become toxic, and don't let it bury valid feelings.

 

And try to remember, the people who are doing this mean well.

Why Can't Children Pay Attention During Online Learning?

I've heard many complaints about young children who aren't able to stay attentive during online classes.

Are you finding this to be the case?

 

Of course you are! Why? Because children were never meant to spend hours paying attention to a screen!

Yes, I know what you're thinking: but my kid can pay attention to a screen for hours when it's a video game!

Well, yes, there are hours of planning, creating, coding, and designing going into the constant stimulation of a video game. That's not realistic in an online classroom setting.

Plus, we know that's not in their best interest. (See this blog post: Avoiding TOO MUCH screen time!)

But paying attention to a teacher all day while sitting at the computer? Wow, that's a totally different story!

Here are a few reasons why it's hard for them:

 

 

Emotional Needs

Most teachers are familiar with the expression, "Maslow Before Blooms!" Maslow is known for his Hierachy of Needs. Besides those very basic needs of food, warmth, and rest, are the emotional needs of security and safety. Along with those are a need to feel important, included, and respected.

As much as teachers and parents are trying, with our crazy world these days, these needs are not always being met. Social distancing makes it all so much tougher!

 

Limited Attention Spans!

Research tells us that a child's attention span is roughly the child's age, plus or minus 5 minutes. That means the maximum attention span for a Kindergartener is ten minutes, tops! This maxes out at 20 minutes for teenagers and beyond. Yes, I'm sure your mind starts to drift after about 20 minutes, doesn't it?

 Distractions!

Sitting at a computer and paying attention to a lesson is even harder when there are a plethora of distractions about, including: a friend in the same Zoom, a sibling getting attention in the same room, the TV in the background, a pet, knowing the toys are right nearby, and the child's own thought process!

In school, a teacher simply could walk past a student's desk to bring them back into focus, but that can't happen online!

 

 

What can we do about it?

Yes, learning online is a whole lot harder than learning in class, but all is not lost. I certainly don't have all the answers, but here are some ideas:

 

 Develop Relationships

It's tougher to get to know children online than it is in class, but it's possible! I find morning meetings are a great way to get to know your students and build community. Just be careful: when sharing, don't make the little ones wait too long for their own turn. Remember those attention spans! (Don't forget to review rules of listening, including looking at the speaker and sitting still. Plus, review the rules of speaking, including speaking clearly and keeping it short!)

 

Some ideas for building relationships: Team Building, Ice Breakers, and Get to Know You Activities

 

 Respect Their Developmental Needs

 

Children need to move! Please don't expect them to sit still for long periods. There are plenty of brain breaks that can be done online. (Go Noodle, for one!) Plus, there are plenty of learning games that can be done online or in a socially distant classroom.

 

Incorporate the Arts!

If you've ever read my blog before, you'll know that I'm a huge supporter of the arts, and try to include these in my teaching in every way possible. (Yes, I have a master's degree in Creative Arts in Learning!) It's a great idea to include drawing or creating in many lessons, as these internalize learning, but don't forget the other arts! Art is considered any expression of emotion, and people express their emotions in different ways. 

 

All of these are considered arts: 

Examples of the Arts

This is just a partial list of my personal definition of the arts. I think you'll agree, both parenting and teaching are arts, aren't they? Seriously, any way that people have to express themselves creatively counts!  I'm sure you have things you are passionate about that you could add to this list!

 

Some related posts: 

• Dramatics in the Classroom
• Seven Strategies to Help Children Remember Spelling Words 
• Ten Tips to Help Learning Stick 
• Ten Key Points About the Brain 
• Twelve Strategies to Get from Working Memory to Long Term Memory 
• How Can I Keep My Active Students Learning? 
• Ten Classroom Management Tips With the Brain in Mind
  

Please remember!

This is a very challenging time in our world. I'm not sure all administrators would agree with me, but academics are not our priority right now. Our children are experiencing several levels of trauma. We need to be there for them. Academics will come later. Yes, I promise you, they'll all catch up!

 

 

Back to School Success Strategies Part 5: Watch Their Emotional Health!

It's getting closer to that time again. 

No matter where you are in your summer vacation, getting back is in your future. This series of posts is designed to make that return a bit smoother for you.

Today is Part 5 in a five part series about returning to school successfully.

As we know, a whole lot of our children have been through some tough times in the last couple of years. Between pandemics, school shootings, and political conflict, it's a challenging world.

Most classroom teachers don't have degrees in counseling or psychology, but we do know some of the things to look for, once we know our students. Once we know there's a problem, we can look to the professionals for help.

Morning Meetings, small groups, and one-on-one times are the best times to get to know the students. Knowing them is a key to knowing when there's a problem.

 

The above resource has 60 different group games that can be used in a variety of situations with a variety of age levels. Many are appropriate for using remotely as well as in the classroom. I'm sure you'll find something appropriate for your situation to get the students relax and getting to know them! 60 Team Building Games and Activities 

Here are a couple of other resources to help the children think about getting along with each other and getting comfortable. These resources are perfect for back to school, both in the classroom or virtually!

• Starring Character: A Reader's Theater Bundle With a Twist
• Building Friendships Boom Learning Digital Task Cards

Once you get to know your students, you'll be able to notice when something's not right. 

What to do about it? Well, not having a background in mental health keeps me from going there, but here are a few things to think about:

1. Laughter!

Laughing is healing. I've actually heard laughter referred to as "Vitamin L!" Be sure to get your daily dose! (And yes, there is science to back this up!)

2. Contact the Professionals

Most classroom teachers don't have a mental health background. This is the time to contact the school counselor. Be sure to have data to share about your perceptions!

3. Be a Role Model!

Emotional Health problems can't be solved overnight, nor can they be solved by the classroom teacher. However, there are a few things teachers can do along the way to help struggling children feel a little better. 

Children need to know their feelings are acceptable. We're all frustrated right now. We're scared. It's ok to validate those feelings to the children. Talk about what scares you and frustrates you. Talk about how you're going to deal with it, in their language. Let them see how you handle those frustrations, and try to stay positive. Being a positive role model is the best thing we can do for them. 

Be sure to read the other four parts of these Back to School Success Strategies!

 

  

 

 

 

I imagine you're thinking of more ways to look out for their emotional health.

I hope you'll share some of these in the comments below.