Toxic Positivity

Have you ever heard anyone say these phrases?

• Don't be so negative!
• It will all be fine.
• Look at the bright side.
  
• Don't worry about it.

 How about these?

• Think only happy thoughts.
• Good vibes only.
• Happiness is a choice.
  
• Everything happens for a reason.
  
• There are plenty of people who have it worse.

These phrases are usually  spoken with the intention of being kind. 

But seriously, do they ever make you feel differently?

There really is a thing known as "toxic positivity." It's great to have a positive attitude, and to try to be happy. But some people go overboard. When that happens, it can be maddening!

Being positive all the time encourages one to suppress negative feelings, which leads to all sorts of physical and emotional issues such as mental illness, heart disease, insomnia, digestive problems and autoimmune disease.

We have life experiences that include good feelings and bad feelings. I confess, there have been times in my life where I have buried my negative feelings. It wasn't the best choice, but honestly, it was the only choice I had at the time. (Like when I suddenly became a single parent.) 

I wouldn't recommend it.

Negative feelings are real. They should be validated. People should be allowed to grieve. People need empathy and compassion. People need someone who cares.

The biggest problem with toxic positivity is that it brings shame. It's isolating and demoralizing. And more often than not, it makes a person feel even worse about real emotions they are feeling.

I've watched a few videos on Youtube that explain it far better than I can!

I hope these were helpful!

Here are some ideas on how to avoid toxic positivity:

 

Never put a person down for having feelings!

Sometimes there really isn't a bright side, and people are hurting! Don't brush them off when they need you!

 

 

Seriously, really bad things happen. Happiness isn't always a choice.

I think this is the one that annoys me the most. How could a person really compare your feelings to someone else? We are all different and unique, and we all need empathy and compassion more than comparisons.

Ideas for handling when someone gives toxic positivity instead of empathy and compassion.

 

It's ok to let it out. There are socially acceptable ways to let it out. Please don't hold it in.

 

Don't be the "giver" of toxic positivity!

 

It's ok to hurt. It's ok to grieve. It's all ok. In fact, it's human, and it's healthy. (You might not want to grieve 24/7, but it's important to let it out.)

 

Let your friends and work companions see good examples of dealing with feelings. Teach through example.

 

It's not always possible to avoid those "fair weather friends" but we can try to spend most of our time with people who can show compassion and caring.

 

I truly believe it's possible to be positive much of the time. But don't let it become toxic, and don't let it bury valid feelings.

 

And try to remember, the people who are doing this mean well.

They're Not "Falling Behind..."

They're not "falling behind." 

They're surviving a pandemic!

 

I saw this phrase posted on Twitter the other day, and it struck a nerve.

Well, technically, yes, they are falling behind academically from where they should be at this point in their lives. And I know that frustrates teachers, parents, and administrators. 

The pandemic has been very difficult on all of us, but the children have had their lives uprooted. Yet, many of the children don't even understand why!

They can't see their friends. They can't see their teachers. They can't have conversations. They have to sit in front of a screen, and do assignments with little or no interaction. Their parents are frustrated if they need attention or help, as they are trying to do their own work. Or worse, their parents aren't there.

Even those who are lucky enough to be in school aren't having the expected school experience. They can't sit next to each other. They can't work in small groups. They can't share materials. They have to wear masks all the time.

It is a rare child who has the self motivation to pay attention during online learning, do assignments independently, and pass them in on time. After all they're kids!

 
These poor kids!

 

Zoom fatigue is real. Depression is real. Right now, these children are struggling with far more important things than schoolwork. Yes, I'm a teacher, I really did say that, but seriously, there really are things more important than schoolwork. Their mental health, for example!

With new vaccines being released, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. It's not forever!

Help them to understand this... it's not easy for little ones!

 
But I hope to think of this as a time where they are growing in other areas.

It's a good time to focus on their whole well-being, not just academics.

How can we do that? Simple! Talk to them, learn what interests them, let them explore those things.

Right now, they're really needing to socialize, yet it's not easy with social distancing. Look for ways to get them talking to each other in safe ways... break out Zoom groups, socially distanced chats, and I'm sure there are other ways if we can be creative!

Here are a few other ideas to take the pressure off the academics and let children explore and learn other, important life skills:

Cooking and baking - besides the following directions and math skills, children are learning to be self-sufficient!

Take walks - As long as they're socially distanced, walking is not only good exercise, but it's a great way to explore the world.

Spend time outside - besides walking, there are plenty of outdoor places to visit and outdoor things to do that are safe and will get them breathing fresh air and getting excited about things going on around them! Children can learn about gardening, shadows, rainbows, qualities of air, properties of water, local animals, and plenty more!

Play board games - There are so many things children learn from playing board games! Just make sure you don't always let them win. Losing gracefully is an important skill!

And the most important thing we can do: Read to them! - I can't emphasize this enough. Read daily. Talk about the books. Let them choose the books. Choose books that will get them talking. Make it the best part of the day! (It's always my favorite time of the day!)

I've always been a believer that we are happier when we have something to look forward to. Right now, that's more important than ever! They might need your help with this, but I'm sure you can help the children find something positive in their future! 

You know, I truly believe the academics will level off. They won't be behind forever!

 Here are a few links to similar blog posts: 

 

What are your ideas for helping the children grow in ways other than academically during the pandemic?